sometimes best way to win is to lose

I had a realisation that sometimes you need to lose in order to win. 
That giving up can be the best thing you can do at times. 

Sometimes the world is trying to show you to change your path, and you are opposing it so much that it has to use the strongest and hardest way  to show you - that the road that you should take should be the opposite of what you are doing.

Then you stop and you reflect and you have the aha moment and you say to yourself:
How didn't I see it before?
Always when something I do not want happens, at the end it works somehow best for me, so I just step back now and wait for what is to come — but it has to be great.

On the other note:

    Almost no one believes in me and my abilities lol, but that's fine - I believe in me and I am my biggest cheerleader. The thing I never missed was motivation and I am so highly self motivated that I always achieved what I wanted somehow. Sometimes it took longer than expected, but I always was able to do it at the end.

    Teachers in my high school took me as stupid because I hated that fucking institution - after year one or two I just decided I'm not gonna go there. I was going to a bookstore  instead and reading books whenever I didn't feel like going to school. 

Anyways, even that I passed well physics exams, the teacher said he cannot give me a good mark just because he didn't believe I could do it without attending lessons lol so he lowered my end marks (sic!)

 Then they made me take a German exam (and I did hate languages so much, including Polish) I just hated the topic as I had no interest in it at all. So they did a summer extra exam for me just to not allow me to finish high school, and I failed. I didn't even bother to learn as I didn't want to learn German. (I finished HS anyways afterwards) At that point everyone thought I am just dumb and I would never learn a different language, and here I am speaking several. I just got an interest in Spanish and I decided to move to Spain where I just picked it up naturally - no lessons needed. Then I can speak Russian to some degree, and Romanian, and fairly good English. No school, no classes, no grammar - just me and my will to learn and talk to people.
    So coming back to the topic - I wanna apply for music uni here. I did not have previous education in music, so everyone assumes I won't learn or I am not good enough or whatever, but I know inside myself that my motivation is enough and will be. You can think I am crazy and judge me like the German teacher - "just a weird silly girl" - and I couldn't care less, because if I want something I'm gonna do it regardless of whether you believe in me or not :)
I just needed to vent on the topic as almost everyone says I cannot do it, but there is one person that believes in me or just won't tell me they don't, and thank you for that, as for most of my life it was just me believing in myself.

I was the first in my family to have a degree (and the only one), first to move abroad, first to speak a different language, first to do sport regularly (although my brother has some intrest in in on and off), first to be vegetarian, first to play an instrument and be into music. No one ever believed I can do any of those things and every single person I knew was discouraging me from even trying to pursue those things.
Luckily I never relied on anyone's approval.

I know myself, my value, and have exactly zero interest in proving anything to anyone different the myself :))

I always encourage everyone to purse their dreams, can that do any harm? Is there anything bad in having a dream and believing in it? Why do I have to be so realistic? What if the bigger you dream the chance to achieving it increase? Does not everything start from a thought and desire followed then by consistency to accomplish?

Maybe I was just born on a different planet haha but one thing you not gonna take from that blind trust in great future :D