Showing posts with label english. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

cinematographyyyyyyy

 I'm taking little steps forwards it
and it makees me happyy

otherwise I'm confused AF
I don't know what to do and how
 

I'm sooo sorry to all friends and people who I didn't answer for ages 
(if I did text you back you're lucky)
Its so much going on that I can't concentrate on any answers to anyone
I feel bad but just can't manage to text back
Life absorbing me totally
I feel like my hours just shrieked
and nothing fits in anymore

plains airports parties doesn't help

I did no edit YT even I've got  loaaats of good recordings
I did not go to the gym
No anything out of my tight schedule

Moving soon I hope it will help to go trough winter and THE course easier having time and space to learn
holidays to come also looking forwards it

i've got so much going on my head and no time to type anything
so I just do that shortcut
to later remember why I wasn't writing


Monday, November 29, 2021

Cause now I'm in it

Somewhere in the void
I think if I was to write a book I should give it -that title
My life is like always rising questions with no answers
Continuously more questions less answers
in direct proportion to the passing time😅😂😂😂

I manged to have some routines
good routines
also I did managed to be more confused
I always knew what I want
Now even that seems diluted

I'm happy that I've got recently bit of fun
Just not thinking about anything its so releasing
sometimes

I'm kinda happy in the ways I wasn't before but also less happy in others
I guess life wanna keep it in balance? 

I'm also excited for the future 
It is always surprising me



art of disposable










Sunday, November 21, 2021

rise a glass!

 OMG

feeling understood to some degree is something

I didn't expect to feel that way, either ever or not to often

the moments where you actually have that feeling, even it's for a moment

especially in my case, should be celebrated

I'm very specific person with very rare life experiences

It's like explaining what build up my point of view to someone most of the times feels like time waste, form the beginning

but for those ones to who is worth explaining something

thank you that you exist!

it makes life much more pleasant



Monday, November 15, 2021

a little bit of everything

 

hate sneaky ppl

that's the one type I can't tolarate

I really can stand a lot, diffrent characters, point of view, behaviours

but sneaky once can't stand and can't tolerate

you won't rise pulling down others, just by lifting others up

but just the fact that you are trying, shows how small and dumb human beeing you are, and show that you've got nothing to offer so have to pull down other in order to try to stand out

nice try but should know won't work for long term sorry

better concentrate to work on your skill, and character it will profit way more





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I feel like I would have 3 different lives or even 4

Each place Ive moved in I had a different situation friends live stage

I feel like I was a different person quite few times

each time I travel back them I just remember who I am from the start

and kinda don't know which one of my versions it the correct one.

where is more home?

where do I wanna stay?

what do I want?

who and where my true friend are?

where do I feel better?

but there is no correct answer

bacause in each of the pieces is a bit of what I like and what I don't

but it drives me crazy thinking on it

I bet no-one who wasn't moving that many times would understand 

Sunday, October 17, 2021

eh

 I'm feeling so out of place af

couldn't feel more out of place then now. 

just can't feel it no matter what

it's not my pair of shoes

Monday, October 4, 2021

out of sudden

 out of sudden

I don't know what changed 
but it changed
I start to feel like it's time to move
that I've been here so long
too long
longer then expected

something helped me to  see it from different perspective
maybe it was a 'purple rain'
or 'sex on the beach'
or 'vodka lime soda'
I don't know
but I got that overwhelming feeling
that I need a change
I can't say when the right time will come
but a decision was made
it might take a 2 months a half o year 
I don't know yet

but I feel like my decisions are cleared

London - it was fun so far!
but none of  fun last long
I'm made of changes 
and it called me this Saturday
it was a tiny little voice inside of my head but 
but when I woke up 
It didn't go away
It didn't go away even the next day
It's still here


I believe in big goals and big proposes
and I wanna be surrounded by it
I need my surroundings to be shouting out loud that you can do better
never to pull me down
I can't be making steps backwards
or just standing and waiting
I believe in actions
I want from what surrounds me to be driven by same believes





moments like that are not easy 
but are helping to make a difficult steps 
hope its a beginning or motivation

 


Saturday, September 25, 2021

25 >> 35 akwardness

If I didn't learn at this age to keep things for myself 
probably I ever won't
boundless honesty is not always best
and not always benefits you
but I'm still believing it will
I wanna believe that world will be better if people will practice frankness
I might be totally wrong
Might be I die as idealist 

Maybe I've got issues with my head
but who doesn't

I feel  slightly like that day with a bad trip,
just it's real life 
It's on my own request
yuhuuu!

But still

I'm sorry If my words cause harm
I really can't clear my reasons
If I dig it dipper, Do I say things just for my own interest or is it unselfish?
What am I aiming to achieve?
Is it supposed to remove some of a guilt I feel?


BTW
Yesterday  was a veryyyy nice day. 
Not many like that I'm getting recently
It's going to collection of the good once

 



I'm thinking about detaching from things
How could I achieve it
In my case It will be hard to get there





I'm tired I will go to sleep


BTW II

It is not easy to meet people who are kind of your kindred spirits
It happens for me very rarely
I would say extremely rarely

and on the top of it
I trust literally no one

.


And I just add one thought about appreciation
I feel like we as humans tend to not appreciated enough thing and other humans
It's like art of appreciation
If you think of all good things what happening to you, as a little gifts
Nice human beings you meet as an opportunity to appreciate life itself
When you analyse it, through life you experience so many things, but not many of them are just pure and good, and often lasting too short

If we just learn to catch that things and moments and appreciate it then when it's happening, we won't ever regret not valuing it enough. 
Just appreciate thing at the moment while it's it time

Take a moment to listen to your favourite song 
Stop and watch the sunset even you are late 
Stop in train station and listen someone playing piano
Next train will come anyway
Smile back to people who give you smile, whoever they are
Say something nice to someone who was helpful or kind
Tell your friends why you like them
Have a coffee by yourself watching the rush of the city
Appreciate the day when you boss don't throw all shit on you, even he had a reason
If we would search more reason to appreciate the life will be more pleasant to go through
I decided to practice appreciation  in my life 
It's not easy but I decided I will work on it
I would like to be rather "dressing plaster" than, the one who complains and cause a scars

Nothing ever happens twice
So  make sure that one time will be enough









~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone tried to show me that when I was 16, dedicating this lyric.
I needed many years to come to understand it


Wisława Szymborska
(and quite accurate translation)

Twice nothing happens
and nothing ever will
Therefore we were born unfeathered
and such shall die still

Should we be like dumb students
dumbest in their class
Not a day must we correct
no one will ever fail us

No night will be the same
No day can happen twice
No kiss is like previous
No look in the eyes

Yesterday, when somebody said
out loud, next to me, your name
I felt inside as if a rose
through open window came

Today, as we are here together
I turned my face towards the wall
Rose? What does it look like?
A flower more, or a stone?

Why do you, the dark hour,
mix with unneeded scare?
You are – so you will be gone
smile comes after nightmare

Smiling, embracing,
for accord we search
Yet unlike water drops
we can never merge.



Wisława Szymborska – Nic dwa razy
Nic dwa razy
Nic dwa razy się nie zdarza
i nie zdarzy. Z tej przyczyny
zrodziliśmy się bez wprawy
i pomrzemy bez rutyny.

Choćbyśmy uczniami byli
najtępszymi w szkole świata,
nie będziemy repetować
żadnej zimy ani lata.

Żaden dzień się nie powtórzy,
nie ma dwóch podobnych nocy,
dwóch tych samych pocałunków,
dwóch jednakich spojrzeń w oczy.

Wczoraj, kiedy twoje imię
ktoś wymówił przy mnie głośno,
tak mi było, jakby róża
przez otwarte wpadła okno.

Dziś, kiedy jesteśmy razem,
odwróciłam twarz ku ścianie.
Róża? Jak wygląda róża?
Czy to kwiat? A może kamień?

Czemu ty się, zła godzino,
z niepotrzebnym mieszasz lękiem?
Jesteś - a więc musisz minąć.
Miniesz - a więc to jest piękne.

Uśmiechnięci, współobjęci
spróbujemy szukać zgody,
choć różnimy się od siebie
jak dwie krople czystej wody.

Friday, September 17, 2021

żygam

doesn't matter what is happening you should shut your eyes and pretend that things are perfect
is that what you want from me?
is that what you expect?
to all of the f*** life pretend something?
am I allowed sometimes to not to?
why is it better to be perfect and fake then unperfect and real?
I'm vomiting with this perfection

I feel like so many people expect things from me,
I can't fulfil it, and I don't even want to
Is like the things was set for me before I got to decide
And decisions are never mine
because everyone got something to say
and even I wouldn't care, eventually I will care
and no one even knows ever about what I'm talking
because that knowledge isn't common
its like a trap you live in, but you consciously deciding to not leave it, because its your trap
you know all the hazards, know to avoid, so you stay in
but leaving the trap will be same f*** as staying in
one foot wrong
once
in
no way out

is it that simple?


ps.
IT'S NOT A DEPRESSION
just the sides of live you might not know 


its just black or white 
good or bad
yes or no
crowd or silence
















Tuesday, August 31, 2021

You know it, oh, we both know it



what should I write
things happening
out of no where
like always in live unpredictable and
sometimes its easier to deal with it
sometimes harder
sometimes you can't deal with it
sometimes I think I'm going mad :D
that's all what I can say
let's see what turn will life take







You’ve mistaken the stars reflected on the surface of the lake at night for the heavens.
Andrzej Sapkowski, Blood of Elves (The Witcher, #1)




Billie Eilish - Six Feet Under




Tuesday, August 24, 2021

F***ING PERFECT

[down more happy thoughts]

 soooooooo
soooooooooooooo
I'tired of being expected to be perfect
I never was and never will be
but just growing up in the society that expects you to be shining as a sample on the storefront 
is exhausting

I don't even want to be that perfect 
nothing is that perfect and closing eyes and repeating that is otherwise won't change anything
you are not that f**** perfect yourself 
why do you expect others to be 
why does it makes you uncomfortable facing imperfection
what you wanna just close your eyes and ears and pretend that if you won't  be looking at it, it won't exist

just look in the eyes 
say it in the face
confront it
I'm a human being 
not an exhibit in the museum
 to be looked at and discussed
reviewed and judged


"she might need more time"
"she is making progress slowly"
"she stands out a little"
"some people might need more time the the others..."


am I needing more time to be as everyone else?
to be as even more hypocritical than I am at the moment?

why we always need to try to change others? Why don't we accept them and try instead to work on ourselves if we believe we need to do so?

what if biggest motivation to changes it your example, not your theoretical- judgy tone of voice?


I've said it once already. I hate that fake dictated, almost forced kindness. I value more unkindness when honest then pretended kindness.


There is nothing worst then fake kindness.
When someone is just so kind until the limits just to show how wonderful person he is, so others can praise him.


nothing annoys me more then fake pretended kindness


is the something to do to don't take part in this  spectacle
to just stop being part of it
the show must go on


Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah
Inside my heart is breaking
My makeup may be flaking
But my smile, still, stays on



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




from positives
it started to go a bit smoother
I'm enjoying the way of achieving my gaols
it might take some time
but this time I'm committed to enjoy the way
as much as possible
because finally the life in not much more then the way

I am happy
honestly and truly happy
in tiny room, in the middle of  one of maddest cities in the world
working a lot, not having much time off
but with happy state of mind
I just try to take bit of enjoyment for each day
from simple things
a morning sport 
a good coffee
a nice conversations with people
music ( I didn't listen to music for so long, I'm trying too enjoy it again) 
I enjoy the days when I'm not having a headache
a fresh air 
a smell of the rain
wearing jackets
sleeping deep with no nightmare - finally (at least not that often)
felling more free
not knowing anyone gives that space of  allowing you to be who you wanna be more often instead of what expected of you
just not planning much
just living the days day by day with no deeper expectation
I try to expect as less as possible form anything 
to be more often positively surprised
I'm enjoying watching the nature and the views
I'm so grateful that I could travel a bit
that I'm improving my language day by day 

I didn't feel like that for many years
I hope it last at least a bit 
hopefully just a bit longer 
:))))))))))

 

 













Wednesday, May 12, 2021

let's get down to business

Give you one more night, one more night to get this
We've had a million, million nights just like this
So let's get down, let's get down to business
So let's get down, let's get down to business
So let's get down, let's get down to business



So let's get down, let's get down to business
So let's get down, let's get down to business
So let's get down, let's get down to business

one good party once in a while is something what I need
random, just met people
random good pop music
radnom talks
just enough to remember how is to be carefree
and just follow the night
like in  the good times



When I feel better I aslo feel music better, 
can listen without instant hadache
and I really apreciate it 

last times was not bad, i just want nothing to change for a while
just once to enjoy a bit of peace of mind
states like that, are rare
so lets celebrate it and enjoy it 



Monday, March 8, 2021

believes


From my notebook some time ago

Millions of perspectives

The way you see the world is like seeing through a glasses with your own filter
Two people seeing same thing will see it completely different
Its fascinating
It's like existing millions of parallel worlds 
Each person has his own
Are you able to see through someone else perspective? 
To wear for a moment his glasses and see the world his way? Is that even possible?
So many factors built the lens in those glasses 
The way parents talked to you 
Where you were raised
How you were treated at school 
If you had animals
How the things went with your first love
People you met
Scenes you had seen 
Things you had heard 
What was you missing
What did you have
What you wanted to have but you never got
And now, in this very moment, can you see this moment as it truly is?
Or always you going to see it through the prism of all the things  that had happened to you in the past?
Can you detach? 
Can you see the things as they really are? 
Is that physically possible?
What's the most objective point of view? 
Is it what majority think at that moment ? 
What if "the mass" is wrong? 
What  had happened in the concentration camps - most of people agreed to kill a mass of other people? 
Couldn't they see the things as they was ?
Was they seeing things  and then just justifying themselves?
Was they agreeing to what the majority thought?
There in parallel moments exist so many different perspectives
Of what's good or what's bad
What's correct and what's unacceptable 
What's blessing or what's curse?
Are we able to judge it by ourselves?
Not speaking of what's obvious and most of us will address as wrong
Is the  agreement  of mass of people what decides what's right? Is it  the only factor? Majority?

so many question marks




a teraz z innej beczki

Komu można ufać? Kto jest godny zaufania? 
Jak działa system oceny tego komu można ufać a komu nie?
Na podstawie czego widząc lub słysząc kogoś oceniamy czy jest godny zaufania?
I na ile te oceny są sprawne? Jak czesto się mylimy?
wszystko underconscious
any thoughts?



BTW ciekawy artykuł o czarnych dziurach, być może wszystko czym jesteśmy to jedna wielka czarna dziura:D


https://www.resonancescience.org/blog/Astrophysics_Gets_Turned_On_Its_Head_Black_Holes_Come_First?fbclid=IwAR0GCq8qYboqioEliTaIPMjParImrCtqUO9sZ76dQNsD6C0Utqs6ws8XqCQ











Thursday, January 14, 2021

'nic albo wszystko' PL

"możesz mi mówić, głupi idealisto, mow. Ja żyje tak, nic albo wszystko."  eldo
Bycie idealistą nie jest proste.
Kiedyś dosłownie żyłam z zasadą
NIC ALBO WSZYSTKO
połowiczność w niczym mi nie wystarczała
dosłownie musiało być albo będę robić coś na 100% albo wcale
ale krok po kroku wyciągając wnioski doszłam do wniosku
że trzeba hamować ten idealizm 
bo cele osiąga się będąc pokornym i ciężko pracując ze schyloną głową
Nie można być we wszystkim dobrym
I nie warto próbować
Ciężko jest osiągnąć jakąkolwiek perfekcje
ale to nieznaczny że nie warto zaczynać
Kiedyś myślałam tak
nauczę się grać na gitarze - co nie jest proste - po kilku miesiącach nieregularnych prób, nie szło to tak jak sobie wyobrażałam(nadal nie umiem zagrać jak na koncercie) - lepiej się poddać bo idzie słabo, nie będę w tym bardzo dobra, gram słabo - koniec
Teraz myślę tak
Hmm no to nie będzie proste do osiągnięcia - co jeśli kilka razy w tygodniu przysiądę i nauczę się nut, to niezły początek. 
Jeśli będę konsekwentnie coś robić z czasem będę w tym lepsza. Nie najlepsza ale lepsza niż byłam wczoraj. Porównując się z samą sobą.  I tylko sobą.
Jakie ma znaczenie dla mnie to kim są inni ludzie, co potrafią lub nie.
Ważny jest dzień dzisiejszy i czy jest dobrze wykorzystany.
Być może nie osiągnę wszystkiego dzisiaj, ale być może dużo dalej zajdę dzisiaj robiąć
to niby nić nie znaczące coś. Ten mały krok, który wydaje się nie mieć znaczenia. 
Ale jak biegniesz maraton to składa się on z miliona małych kroków.  
I każdy z nich jest tak samo ważny, bo nawet jeden mniej a byś go nie ukończył.
BYĆ IDEALISTĄ
w znaczeniu zawsze chcieć więcej i dalej 
OK
być zamkniętym w wobraźni, teoretyzujac jak coś powinno wyglądać a nie jest
NIE
to już nie ja

stawiam na działanie
małe kroki
do przodu
lub w bok lub w tył
działanie 
nie teoretyzowanie
to jest to na co stawiam
najmnejsze działanie lepsze nić 1000 wypowiedzianych lub pomyślanych słów
  

taka kwarantannowa myśl
dużo czasu trace 
ostatnimi czasy na 
niepotrzebne rzeczy
ale trudno być w ta kwarantanne produktywnym non stop
zwlaszcza jesli czerpiesz energie
bedac poza domem




lets be honest
I'm not beeing as prodactive as I want me to be
but decided more importantly I will keep up my happiness level
at that very moment  
as the very friend of us all won't leave the chat just yet
f****** c********
kinda hard to keep up the spirit, and cheer 
with no changing position on the couch for days
let's open mulled wine and dance


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thats kinda cool
that you can just create things in your own imagination
imagine things 
all kind of them 
the things not exist 
and the ones you wanna see that way
and then to see world through what you imagined 


Thursday, December 31, 2020

olala wszytsko gra ;) YOUTUBE

SO I will post who i subscribe on YT and I think is worth it
so first Polish, then other languages (scroll for EN)


Kogo ogądam na YT:
i uważam że może warto i dlaczego

❤ ❤❤❤my favorites ❤❤❤ ulubieni❤ ❤❤❤❤


POLSKI

my fav:
Krzysztof Gonciarz
To jest gość. Jak go nie znacie to koniecznie obejrzyjcie choć te kilka filmów niżej. Nagrywa z japonii. Jak wam się żaden nie spodoba dajcie znać bo w to wątpie:D

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzuvRWjh7k1SZm1RvqvIx4w







 






Weronika Truszczynska
W. jest w chinach i nagrywa o chinach na tą chwilę. Bardzo specyficzna ale spoko.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoJjEsNkU-Md3xB6BursT0Q



Fanggotten

poprostu lubie słuchać jak gada i co gada
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0uX381osOM&t





Kittisaurus

Najlepszy kanał o kotach, najczęściej bez gadania tylko z muzyką.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwcsDWGip6vtiZyCnvDoClQ




Autostopem Na Koniec Świata
W sumie to mnie wkurza, zwalszcza że tyle pije. Ale pokazuje prawdziwą Rosję, generalnie wschód. Film trzeba oglądać na zmienionej prędkości co najmniej x1.25
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcnATEeoZj__3e7JvdNWIpA


Lisie Piekł0

Poprostu ją lubię. Teraz robi taki pozytywno zdrowo minimalystyczny kontent.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt2IsCngTU-0P9eXUC0Rg7g

李子柒 Liziqi
Filmy bez mówienia, musisz obejrzeć choć jeden raz. WOW. O chińskim życiu na wsi.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A



ENGLISH

Tom Merric
One of my favorites. I do stretching with him every single day.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU0DZhN-8KFLYO6beSaYljg
FAV:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPKRiU9u_Hc




Kittisaurus
Best channel about cats. I love Lulu.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwcsDWGip6vtiZyCnvDoClQ



Kelly Stamps

so sarcastic and funny.
➡️https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aqk5QfzkP_I&t

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbW3j-9W3JY&t


The Break
Patricia Bright

she talks about money investments etc
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9c80wcPsvmosqUtk7MNbmw
➡️ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYmuhr3a8X0&t
also has a beauty channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0KiGuCTrehqzSQ7ikjxSQw


李子柒 Liziqi 

No speaking videos. Just chill. its WOW. About chinese rural life.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A



Elliott Hulse

I know that not everyone can like him but I do. Especially the old videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzh0WmhJ1VU


Two Cents

All about $$$$. My husband likes them.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL8w_A8p8P1HWI3k6PR5Z6w


Nile Wilson

He does gymnastic challenges, most importantly has a very positive vibe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2AMoXbog8U


Alivia D'Andrea
mostly I exercise with her this specific routine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN0-1YuMwwI
but she has also like positive minded videos eg:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YC6qBC0j8o


Inthefrow
I dont really watch her anymore, but years ago was watching lots
about fashion, lifestyle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFfqJ9q3wUc



RUSSIAN
Sasha Chistova
Кажется что она настоящая. (I watch her, to practice my russian, especially on instagram)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwLMm2pP2TC8U9nAaYWHjFA
➡️https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLIxJ8Lw2Vg

➡️https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U-XtF-90sk
https://www.instagram.com/sashachistova/?hl=pl




Maria Way

очень позитивная девушка (I watch her, to practice my russian, especially on instagram)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNax8LsGh3EiLF4WmNgDZA
❤ https://www.instagram.com/maria__way/?hl=pl


SPANISH

AuronPlay

Cada vez, viendo sus vídeos, estoy partiendo de risas
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyQqzYXQBUWgBTn4pw_fFSQ
➡️https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aadLofQjrE



Edu López

Es de Tenerife, esta grabando YT sobre la fotografía y sobre los videos.
(I watch him also to improve my spanish)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzmCAxljpOKYCNhXNLQIbMw





RECOMEND ME SOMTHING GOOD:)))) PLS





Friday, November 27, 2020

dreams sweet dreams or a beautiful nightmares



As most of the time I would have nightmares
A beautiful dream is something WOW
I had very strange but nice dream
so realistic
So I was in my hometown. 
And I found a map, it was that kind of map, what in old days we was having in the class room. 
But it wasn't just "ordinary" map.
You could stretch it over your head, so it will take you to the place. 
Kind of google maps, but you are traveling in your head.
Like it actually takes you to the place that you wanna be.
So I found, on the west coast of Africa (I would say around Gambia), complex of islands. 
Name of the island was Nirvana.
There was an island in the center.. From that place was departing several rivers melting into the ocean. 
So from the "middle island" you could see all the other islands and rivers.
The middle island was on the high rock, so without ladder you could not get there.
It was tropical island, with a white sand and palm trees. Real jungle.
So when I went there, I was amazed by beauty of it. 
I just swam around and saw few other islands but from far. 
The weather was crystal clear and mostly not that deep.
Deepest water was around center island. SO I didn't even try to get there.
It was all so beautiful, so I decided to go back and bring my mum and sister.
We went back together, but might be we hit too much into depth of the ocean.
So it threw us very deep into the water. We had to swim long way up.
I was not sure in this moment  if my beautiful dream will turn into nightmare.
But we made it up.
So we took direction to the closest island.
It was less tropical, It  started with a long meadow.
And far far away we could see a house, regular house as you can see in eastern Europe.
But closer to us was a complex of house. 
That looked like more primitive, natural handmade. Again was placed in a circle.
It called our attention.
We went in this direction. 
But we realised that in front of each house there was a large bird.
Not an ordinary one. It was huge purple bird. 
Had had a dark purple feathers, almost dark blue.
I had bad feeling about those birds.
But my sister said that to her they look friendly.
That I shouldn't worry.
But they looked to me like kind of watch, protection for the houses.
She went closer, so the bird made its move.
He hit her twice in her leg.
It was a strong bird so the hit pushed her down.
I saw bad is coming, so I went on the knees and said to the bird that, we are really sorry to disturb. 
That we about to leave, If he could leave her. 
Bird kind of understood. Didn't step back. But also let her go.
So we took last look back. And went back home.
So when I woke up I start to search for those islands on real world map. But it doesn't exist.
That's so pity. I would like to see it in real life so much





Tuesday, November 17, 2020

You are a little universe

 If you believe you can be whole life the same person. 

You are wrong. 

Life is changing you. 

Situations are  changing you. 

Stresses is changing you. 

People who surrounds you they are changing you.

So is there someone who know you truly? Only you know yourself.

You never will be discovered like the universe. 

You are a little universe - waiting to be discovered but as whole thing.

So count on it that it will never happen.


Very little people enjoying discovering other people.

Discovering deep thoughts.

Discovering what actually determined why other person is way he is.

Nothing except things served easy as box meals is worthy the time of the others.

So people like people who are easy to take. Funny. Simple. Common. Who think the same way. Follow the trends.

No one wills to discover anything what's under surface.

Just shiny, beautiful surfaces.

Everywhere.

But everyone inside wills to be discovered.

But everyone desires to be truly understood.

What no one knows about you?

What you would like to share?


Wednesday, October 14, 2020

random thoughts from notebook

FEW FREE THOUGHTS FROM MY OLD NOTES

KILKA MYŚLI ZE STARYCH ZAPISEK


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

its just enough one day to ruin your life.
to blow away all you have built and belived and trusted
you always can start everything anew
thats true, many people keep saying you that
but you need strength and power, great power
but what if  everything was ruined and you are exosted
what if every step you take costs you all of your energy
then what
how you can start everything anew
you feel like you can do nothing
but you need to start everything



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 w imię boga niszczą pogan
giną na ulicy
terroryści czy męczennicy 

średniowiecze
XXI wiek
współczesności

nic się nie zmieniło


Rahaf

Dzielić świat na regiony lepsze i gorsze,
Bo tu masz biedę, tu masz forsę, dla mnie to nonsens.

Globalny chaos, zła oś, całość podzielona,
Na miłujących pokój i chcących ich pokonać.
Dlaczego dziś niektórzy wolą po prostu zginąć

Jedna ziemia, jeden świat, jeden organizm,
egzamin dla społeczeństwa, egzamin z człowieczeństwa

tych egzaminów ludzkość miała całkiem wiele
i jak poszło
zdaliśmy?
i czy kolejny byśmy zdali?
czym zawsze się tłumaczymy?
wyższym celem
wola boga
strachem o własne przetrwania
bezsilności w danej sytuacji

czy ludzkość zdaje ten egzamin?
czy miłość jest góra czy nienawiść
patrząc na to co sie dzieje
jedyne co moznaby rozsądnego zrobić to złapać samolot na księżyc


so many thoughts in my head

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Wydaje mi się ze ciężej jest życ ciągle rozważając wszystkie możliwości przyszłości i przeszłości. Zycie pisze swoje scenariusze nie zawsze mamy na nie wpływ. Na dany moment staramy się wybrać jak najlepiej, ale nie da sie dokonać wszystkich wyborów idealnie.

 

co ciekawe różni ludzie mają zupełnie inna wizję spełnienia i szczęścia to co dla mnie byłoby życiowa klęska i dramatem dla innych jest najwyższym celem
Nie wiem jak. Kogoś największym marzeniem może być posiadani firmy samo w sobie, gdyby bylo to zarobienie pieniędzy rozumiem ale samo w sobie posiadanie
Dla mnie to totalnie nie zrozumiała to tak jakby ktoś chciał sam z siebie być niewolnikiem. Człowiek wolny nigdy tego nie pojmie wydaje mi się

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jakakolwiek. Ponadprzeciętność jest ponad przeciętnie trudna do osiągnięcia.
Zawsze chciałam więcej lepiej dalej
W ostatnich latach mój progres zastopował


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Może myślisz
chce być inny
Chce się zmienić
Chce się czegoś nauczy chce schudnąć
Chce przytyć
Chce więcej oszczędzić
Chce więcej podróżować
Wszystkie nie osągnięte cele ciągną nas w dół
Codziennie dokładamy jedna cegłę do naszego plecaka ciągnącego nas w dół depresji
Chcenie żeby wiele i odkładania wszystkich celów na bok
Powoduje że nasza motywacja się zmniejsza
Z każdym kolejnym nieosiągnięty celem
Trzeba albo sobie odpuścić albo
Zacząć powoli realizować nasze cele
Inaczej ciągle będziemy żyć z tym poczuciem niesmaku
Że nic nam nie wychodzi
A to tylko dlatego że nic nie robimy
Wes się w garść
Spisz swoje cele
Wybierz ten najważniejszy i już dzisiaj zacznij robić coś w tym kierunku
Może 5o być najmniejszy najłatwiejszy z celi
Ale każdy zrealizowany przybliży cię to większego poczucia własnej wartości

 

 

potrzebuję m bo jestem pusta
w środku jest wielka pustka i emocje rozbijające sie o ściany wymieszane  z myślami
i w tej pustce panuje tornado
ciągła walka o przetrwanie
z zewnątrz niczego nie widać
ludzie bawią się w bogów
kim jest przyjaciel
wir brak zrozumienia zbyt wiele
wszystko jest be celu
krotko czasowosc przemijanie
o co chodzi




nie wiem nie wiem nie wiem 
nic nie wiem choc, nieraz wydaje mi sie ze wiem 
zaraz odkrywam jak malo wiem

Monday, June 15, 2020

frustration

nothing tense me as much as every single place of internet committed to entertainment - constantly smuggling politic in its content
there is almost no place in the internet where you can just relax



.

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

nothing spreads faster than fear

Where I am 
Where are we

the moment we just arrived is the most awkward in many countries, at least in europe and north america or australia

we never knew that kind of fear
of what tomorrow brings
in all possible aspects
my grandma lived through two of world wide wars
so most of now days living humans from those countries
did not experience that kind of fear
fear of what is going to happen with the world
in what direction it will lead us
we wasn't for long time that much restricted for travel
the nations didn't barricade themselves in own countries
it hits hard
when you can not leave you own home
it hits hard
when you can not do your job
it hits hard
when you can not see your relatives
and you have no idea when normal traveling will be possible
when all your plans and plans o all people you know had to be canceled
we have no bombs falling from sky 
but we've got people scared to just pass to close to you on the street

where all this will lead us
everyone asks no one has answers


sitting home all alone
thousand of thoughts going through
1000 versions of what you supposed to do