january

 probably the month when I always post the most LOL

my anxiety is over the roof but somehow I managed to don't be bothered 😂😂 I just said to it "I know you are there 24/7 but what if I don't give a F"

its should settle soon as the problem was getting off my previous meds, so glad I did it as it was making my brain fog, and I was constantly hungry

finally feeling back myself but the anxiety 😂

but maybe two weeks more and it will sattle down

I'm listening recently to such life changing podcasts 

I also ordered a book so excited for it to come 💃🥳 soon

I wanna dedicate this year to self love and treat myself with all that I didn't recently 

I'm gonna be my own cheerleader! and I mean it, who gonna root for you if not yourself 

I also wanna dye my hair green and pink again I feel like is about to time to get some colour in life until the spring comes and brings it

I'm feeling somehow good even so anxious and I'm so happy about that, maybe I finally getting it more under control, last year I didn't have one panic attack attack even and I thought I made it while the start of the year was rough, but then I feel like had it reasons so I am excused, but the rest of that year is gonna be good I can feel it, maybe sometimes you need to take step backwards to ba able to take 3 forwards 🤞🏻

Back in the realm of living

After a never-ending flu, which I genuinely believed was going to kill me (I’ve never been this sick as an adult), I’m back in the realm of the living. I still have a bit of a cough, but wow — that was exhausting.

Physically and mentally draining. Not a good start to the year at all, but it’s over. I’m definitely feeling better today, and my mental capacity is almost back.

It feels so good not to feel unwell. I’m honestly just grateful that I can breathe normally again.

So far, nothing this year has gone according to plan or expectations. But now that I’m feeling better, I’m full of hope that the worst is behind me. It can be a great year — so keep your fingers crossed for me, because I can’t wait for spring and what it brings 🌱

and I'm glad you're back, it's a little highlight! 

I started reading a book which took over, even though it’s the weirdest thing I’ve read. It starts as a school adventure for about 100 chapters, but then suddenly turns into a sort of p-0-rn story with a big O, lol. I mean, the storyline is great, but that was so unexpected. It's about polygamous relationships of teenagers in a fantasy world, all is well justified, but still the fact that you just start liking the characters and then stop judging at all..  scares how much you can end up justifying hahah

but on the side note, I like fantasy stories in different worlds, it's a nice escape

https://novelbin.com/b/defy-the-alphas/chapter-1-special-skills

I am open to all good things arriving that year!

I had a lot of time to think recently, and as an overthinker, it's not a great place to be. I would rather be busy. thoughts:

- Life is unpredictable

- people are unpredictable

- I'm so predictable lol 

- things I'm running from are the ones that haunt me 

- things that I chase are those I never truly get

Should I change my approach and just start doing everything I can to NOT get what I want, then it will come as a golden rainfall? hahahah maybe that's the clue 

This year I wanna focus only focus on

GYM and GUITAR, 

and maybe being clever with savings, and having loads of fun, joy and sun 

also having loads of good human interactions, the quality once 

AND BTW I realised I crave DEEPNESS
nothing shallow is fulfilling me 

Deep conversations

Deep connections

Deep soul dive whatever it means :D

 

It shouldn't matter - mayer

Shouldn't matter, but it does

Shoulda been open

Shoulda done more

Shoulda learned a lesson from the year before

Shoulda been honest

Shoulda just cried

Shoulda told me there was nothing left inside

I'm being too open

 I'm being to open and positive and it's not working in my own good sometimes 

Can I change?

Should I change?

I need to be able to breathe

My head's under water

But I'm not breathing fine

I just need a moment of peace a movement where I can breathe 

I'm not asking for much, but I'm not getting it from quite some time

I'm so tired of constantly being my own hero, I wouldn't mind some sort of help from time to time

Please 2026 treat me better, as I am exausted!

😂😂😅