wind of change

 im feeling

that whatever I do , all will be only fucking temporary. 

Like everything in my life, that's just temporary periods. 

It has good parts but  I feel like I never make enough to use the day. 

It is literally not enough ever, by the end of the day i feel like i should have done more because it will never come back again.  

The chances I'm getting I always feel it’s or it or nothing, now or never. 

People I'm meeting - I need to do with them as much as I can now, because tomorrow they might be gone and I won't have that chance anymore. 

The places I see I feel like I have to look at them as much as I can because I may be seeing them for the last time in my life. 

I feel like the only time I have is today. 

Like there is no tomorrow so I should do all my best in all aspects today. now. 

I don't know what made me think like that on that scale.  

Maybe because literally no one I had in my life from the past is now close to me. 

Like it was always so temporary and not enough. 

Like I didn't appreciate that enough in the past so now I'm just trying not to repeat.  

At the same time as I desperately seek stability  but I also need change often, like I will never have enough.

How can you feel these two things at the same time?  

If you are still considering moving somewhere then be aware of what it comes with as a package.  

Any chance of  even little change just now, freaks me out. 

Like my body requires some stability. 

But on the other hand I often  seek for change. Often think of change

Am I mad?

It is so difficult to maintain friends while traveling.

So easy to be sceptical and closed.

Why would you put effort in something what won't last

But I'm the one who always trying

Is it worth it?

I try to make the place I live my home, even its for a while

But also that temporality make me anxious

BTW Spring is coming

wind smells so good

it will smell even better if we wasn't just at the door of war in europe..

(A lato było piękne tego roku).

I cannot wait spring and summer 

Just to look at the clear sky 

Walking in Richmond and smell the grass

sometimes.

sometimes you hurt someone
sometimes someone hurts you
sometimes it happens at the same time

is it disappointing of life?

omg

 chilling down

that's the art I'm not good with

I'm deep

I'm sensitive

I'm not chilled down

I guess

I wish I could be

. 

 

ciągle goniła wiatr || Tomorrow never comes it is always today

am I chasing the wind forever? 

maybe

maybe I'm one of those people who never puts roots into the place

I'm always thinking of how the moment is temporary and fragile

I've been in so many places, and then what was there, stayed there, but me I moved

things always coming to an end

the relations becoming less intense

admiration for places becomes less intense

this make me want to enjoy and appreciate the moment, the present

You never really know what tomorrow will bring

 It might not come 

The chances might no repeat 

It will be always some new things waiting for you but nothing's happening twice

It's at the same time puts weight on day of today 

You wanna celebrate it and use it to maximum

Take the chance each day is giving

You don't want  to ever feel like you wasted it

Thinking of wasting time makes me anxious

but it don't take me wrong, I'm not talking about productivity, but about the feeling of joy, of how we used the time

it could be all evening of staying on the sofa and listening to music, but if, it was what made this day good, it was worth it

I just don't like the feeling that I'm doing something I don't really want, what doesn't seem to add value to my life in any way

I guess I'm also afraid of stagnation

'Lubiła tańczyć, pełna radości tak, ciągle goniła wiatr,
Spragniona życia- wciąż, zawsze gubiła coś, nie chciała nic,
Nie rozumiałem, kiedy mówiła mi: 

"Dzisiaj ostatni raz zatańczmy proszę tak, jak gdyby umarł czas." 

Mówiła mi..
Mieliśmy wiecznie trwać,
Na jednej z dzikich plaż,
Chciałem ze wszystkich sił,
Pozostać z Tobą tam'