wind of change

 im feeling

that whatever I do , all will be only fucking temporary. 

Like everything in my life, that's just temporary periods. 

It has good parts but  I feel like I never make enough to use the day. 

It is literally not enough ever, by the end of the day i feel like i should have done more because it will never come back again.  

The chances I'm getting I always feel it’s or it or nothing, now or never. 

People I'm meeting - I need to do with them as much as I can now, because tomorrow they might be gone and I won't have that chance anymore. 

The places I see I feel like I have to look at them as much as I can because I may be seeing them for the last time in my life. 

I feel like the only time I have is today. 

Like there is no tomorrow so I should do all my best in all aspects today. now. 

I don't know what made me think like that on that scale.  

Maybe because literally no one I had in my life from the past is now close to me. 

Like it was always so temporary and not enough. 

Like I didn't appreciate that enough in the past so now I'm just trying not to repeat.  

At the same time as I desperately seek stability  but I also need change often, like I will never have enough.

How can you feel these two things at the same time?  

If you are still considering moving somewhere then be aware of what it comes with as a package.  

Any chance of  even little change just now, freaks me out. 

Like my body requires some stability. 

But on the other hand I often  seek for change. Often think of change

Am I mad?

It is so difficult to maintain friends while traveling.

So easy to be sceptical and closed.

Why would you put effort in something what won't last

But I'm the one who always trying

Is it worth it?

I try to make the place I live my home, even its for a while

But also that temporality make me anxious

BTW Spring is coming

wind smells so good

it will smell even better if we wasn't just at the door of war in europe..

(A lato było piękne tego roku).

I cannot wait spring and summer 

Just to look at the clear sky 

Walking in Richmond and smell the grass