being idiot

 i realized recently that people like me more when i pretend to be dumber

i mean i always did it sort of naturally but it's only recently when it started bothering me

i got used to playing stupid blonde and joke around that i didn't get something, asking too many questions, that it almost became a second nature

people like silly funny people, when you know too much they start hating you

no one likes someone who knows a lot

i also try to not talk much and ask a lot of questions

i learn more that way

but i also avoid talking about what i am processing at the moment in my head because it's often abstract and if i start speaking about it most people go into the mode

she's a freak, straight away

it worked fine for most of my life just trying to be sillier

but recently it just makes me tired, i wanna talk deep

i want to be around people who are cleverer than me

who when i say something they get it

so that when i say something i don't need to explain it

and then they still don't get it so they think i am dumb because they couldn't get it

i am just 10 steps ahead most of the time and i go straight there skipping all the middle bullshit as i think ahead, and quick

then they need every step explained from a to z, and for me a-z is self explanatory and i don't like wasting time

but if i am not behaving like everyone i am taken for dumb

that's why i have to ask a lot of questions, because if i do things my way i know no one will get it

i just always need to make sure that i do things at work the way they want it to be done and it's so difficult to follow the stupid unnecessary steps just to make sure other get it

you probably think I am cocky and trying to show off

believe me I am not, I just came to the moment that pretending to be someone I am not just to please others makes me tired, but I cannot function in that society well if I am not doing that because I come across as being an idiot (that's also so funny) or rude

i also don't get why people who have limited cognitive skills, or ugly to say, just less intelligent, take me for stupid, i usually try to assume everyone is clever until they really prove otherwise, but i am so often taken for dumb when i am myself, and when i pretend to be stupider i am taken for more smart and people tend to like me more

is there anyone with the same issue

i am probably gonna be judged for saying what i said and even less understood

but it seems like there is no solution for that