inspiration end of 2019

 "desire to be noticed" vs "desire to disappear / remain anonymous"

all I ever wanted was everything

I don't know why but I like to watch that depressive shit
Like eg SKINS,
young people with depression
or doing drugs
or problems with parents, girlfriend, school, work, money, world, themselves, head, overthinking, overtaking, not straight, struggling, trying hard, even not knowing the way, not knowing the goal, lost but full of thoughts, deep thoughts taken from the depth, tears in smiles, or just wearing masks as everyone those days,
NOT happiness, not this fuc***** perfect pictures on instagram, and cover pages, not the advertisements of holidays on Bali, not over edited photos and videos, where you have to be rich, where the smile is so wide that you cannot takie it


WHY
why I do not like it
why I cannot take it
why do I prefer watch THOSE
why I don't choose wise, to watch the movies where everyone is happy and have all he need, and the endings are always happy endings

why my thoughts during the nights are not always that happy

MAYBE
maybe the reality we living is so fake
maybe is like dual reality
what whe show and what we live
maybe what we show is not what we live
maybe that real us - we can see now just on the movies while we posting another happy shit

thats why I add Sasha Chistova and watched her video ' саш что случилось'  somay times, coz it seems so real

or there is another answer

ME
maybe I am so weird

or there is another answer

and EVERYTHING is just normal
maybe everybody has that kind of thoughts ones in a while
Propably I will never know for sure
😂