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Friday, November 27, 2020

dreams sweet dreams or a beautiful nightmares



As most of the time I would have nightmares
A beautiful dream is something WOW
I had very strange but nice dream
so realistic
So I was in my hometown. 
And I found a map, it was that kind of map, what in old days we was having in the class room. 
But it wasn't just "ordinary" map.
You could stretch it over your head, so it will take you to the place. 
Kind of google maps, but you are traveling in your head.
Like it actually takes you to the place that you wanna be.
So I found, on the west coast of Africa (I would say around Gambia), complex of islands. 
Name of the island was Nirvana.
There was an island in the center.. From that place was departing several rivers melting into the ocean. 
So from the "middle island" you could see all the other islands and rivers.
The middle island was on the high rock, so without ladder you could not get there.
It was tropical island, with a white sand and palm trees. Real jungle.
So when I went there, I was amazed by beauty of it. 
I just swam around and saw few other islands but from far. 
The weather was crystal clear and mostly not that deep.
Deepest water was around center island. SO I didn't even try to get there.
It was all so beautiful, so I decided to go back and bring my mum and sister.
We went back together, but might be we hit too much into depth of the ocean.
So it threw us very deep into the water. We had to swim long way up.
I was not sure in this moment  if my beautiful dream will turn into nightmare.
But we made it up.
So we took direction to the closest island.
It was less tropical, It  started with a long meadow.
And far far away we could see a house, regular house as you can see in eastern Europe.
But closer to us was a complex of house. 
That looked like more primitive, natural handmade. Again was placed in a circle.
It called our attention.
We went in this direction. 
But we realised that in front of each house there was a large bird.
Not an ordinary one. It was huge purple bird. 
Had had a dark purple feathers, almost dark blue.
I had bad feeling about those birds.
But my sister said that to her they look friendly.
That I shouldn't worry.
But they looked to me like kind of watch, protection for the houses.
She went closer, so the bird made its move.
He hit her twice in her leg.
It was a strong bird so the hit pushed her down.
I saw bad is coming, so I went on the knees and said to the bird that, we are really sorry to disturb. 
That we about to leave, If he could leave her. 
Bird kind of understood. Didn't step back. But also let her go.
So we took last look back. And went back home.
So when I woke up I start to search for those islands on real world map. But it doesn't exist.
That's so pity. I would like to see it in real life so much





Tuesday, November 17, 2020

You are a little universe

 If you believe you can be whole life the same person. 

You are wrong. 

Life is changing you. 

Situations are  changing you. 

Stresses is changing you. 

People who surrounds you they are changing you.

So is there someone who know you truly? Only you know yourself.

You never will be discovered like the universe. 

You are a little universe - waiting to be discovered but as whole thing.

So count on it that it will never happen.


Very little people enjoying discovering other people.

Discovering deep thoughts.

Discovering what actually determined why other person is way he is.

Nothing except things served easy as box meals is worthy the time of the others.

So people like people who are easy to take. Funny. Simple. Common. Who think the same way. Follow the trends.

No one wills to discover anything what's under surface.

Just shiny, beautiful surfaces.

Everywhere.

But everyone inside wills to be discovered.

But everyone desires to be truly understood.

What no one knows about you?

What you would like to share?


wirus przejął całe moje życie

Nie ma niczego na czym mogę skupic mój umysł
Nie mogę nic zaplanować
Wirus przejął całe moje życie
Czy tak kiedys wyglądało życie w czasie wojny
Ciągłe poczucie niepewności i napewno nieporównywalnie wiekszego strachu?
Wszystko co nakręcało mnie do życia zostaje ucięte
Nie mogę nawet wychodzić z własnego pokoju.
Chcą żebym tu siedziała i odizolowała się od wszytskiego co potrzebne do życia
Powietrza
Przyrody 
Ludzi
Interakcji 
Słońca 
O braku tego wszytskiegoteż można umrzeć albo zwariować
Teraz pytanie jak długo jeszcze to szambo potrwa?
Potrzebuje interakcji międzyludzkich tak samo jak swobodnego oddychania 
Fajnie jest mieć czas dla siebie ale dleczego ma to być 
pracowanie non stop LUB czas dla siebie
Dlaczego nie można miec w tym balansu?

Narzekam. OK. NARZEKAM noi co?
Nie potrafię tak poprostu się przestawić przykleić uśmiech i udwać że wszytsko jest OK
Nie potrafie zrozumieć dlaczego ludzie potrzebujący lekarza nie mają udzielanej pomocy bo teraz leczy się tylko jedną chorobę
Gdzie zaszliśmy jako ludzkość?
Dlaczego większości tak łatwo przychodzi przejście nad tym do porządku dziennego?
Być może w życiu większości ludzi niewiele się zmieniło.
Ja kocham żyć,  wychodzić z domu, podróżować, doświadczać, planować, czuć się wolnym
Teraz ktoś decyduje za mnie czy mogę zobaczyć rodzinę czy nie. Czy mogę wsiąść do samolotu czy nie. Czy mogę wyjść z domu czy nie. Czy mogę pracować czy nie. Kiedy mogę pracować a kiedy nie. Po  której stronie mam iść po schodach. Kiedy mam umyć ręce. 


Wiem że ta sytuacja nie zależy ode mnie, wiem że nie dotyka tylko mnie.
Ale determinuje moje życie w tak ogromnym stopniu
Czuje sie jakby ten wirus był okupantem