🤮

I just had a mental fight, the part of the post that's below the line

but i decided now I'm not giving up to it

, maybe I just need more sleep and self-care and my happy part will take over, I was always happy, wasn't I?

one day is not a reason to judge the whole world for all times isn't it?

I so easy to fall into victim mode when things go a bit off

but maybe sometimes it's just time to step back 

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when the walking for hours is the only solution to calm you down

when the empty city night roads are your best company

the thinking that never stops

there is no way to live that way

exhausted by my own head

I just desperately wanna get out

it was okay for some time, a long time, I was doing so well

I thought that I managed it

so i had that idea, I can start living normally again

for some reason, human interactions makes it so much worse

and it's a thing I want the most

then it's just so overwhelming 

the thought of being invested and then it not being returned is the scariest thing ever for some reason 

but i cannot avoid living 

the thought of making wrong decisions 

the thought of being a burden 

that overthinking, but trying to behave normally bc then everyone would just avoid you. everyone needs a lift up, not a pull down

the thought of being the one who drugs down

the thought of being that person who just complains 

how do I get out

lift me up

hold me down 

keep me close

safe and sound

why the end of the year is always the worst part ever

I did it, and I feel emptier then ever before

 

100 conversations was the goal

nothing else

just proper trail

fair, so I had to actually respond

as expected out of 100

with 4 I actually it was worth it 

but at the same time it left me drained 

like I don't want to talk to anyone in 100 years

I learnt too that doesn't matter how hard I try - I never gonna be a different person 

I always try to fucking hard 

and I always have to invest to much either is time or energy 

and I want the feeling that I am important 

but once I get it, I feel like it's too much so I would rather walk away

so fucking pathetic.

like i actually asking myself: girl what do you want 

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also so many random outputs of events

I genuinely dn why my life it's being so chaotic

no plan just following the wave 

to people who add to my peace thank you for your tiny bits as I feel like I lost control of what I am doing 

and maybe a sense of who I am 

and thanks for that late night six hours long LOL religion discussion G!

I didn't think I needed it at all but, then I realised it was exactly what I needed

so unexpected 

it was so refreshing to see a completely different POV

and actually talk to someone who's nature is spiritual just because

seems like we are friends now?

Than thanks A for the sense of humor its so uplifting, I just needed it now 

And thanks, C, for the inspiration.. In the end, music is everything — isn’t it?

I am at the dead end in a few aspects of life rn and I have no clue how it will go but I trust that I'm always lucky so I just life to work out it's ways

and you little human never imagined that you could be that IC 

feels almost as Winterfell

what does it supposed to teach me

wines with O always go so quickly

and to Sasha - you are such a highlight to that boring world, just with that always positive stories I can see on instagram, I always think "maybe I actually could do something too"